Feb. 2nd, 2009 11:16 pm
dieselsandwich: A picture of me with purple hair (Default)
You know that things are going to take a lot of work when one of you breaks down because of past memories being triggered and then the other is immediately triggered in the same way because of how the first one is comforted.

It's worth it, to figure out how to do things right and to help each other get past the things that hurt us in the past. And I'm glad we're both doing it instead of just letting the wounds fester like we both used to.

Just... it's really hard. Sometimes I want to cry from how hard it is. Both of us were hurt so badly and I feel like neither of us will be fully healed. And it's really really hard to work towards a goal you don't even know you can reach. Especially now that it's the both of us and not just the one. Now I have all this baggage and horrible memories and occasional flashbacks to plague me too and that makes me a lot less effective in helping.

One of the worst (and most ironic) feelings in the world is trying to choke back and hide your tears so a person you love won't feel guilty for being hurt.... out of feeling guilty yourself that you're hurt at the same time as that person.


It seems really irrational and counterproductive and ironic and stupid when it isn't happening... ugh. Now I feel like an idiot. I should wrap this up before I start crying again.


dieselsandwich: A picture of me with purple hair (Default)
Sophia Lafergola

October 2010

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