May. 9th, 2009

dieselsandwich: A picture of me with purple hair (awesome)

This is just part of a long trend of more and more committed things Lee and I have done with each other. It really blows my mind in the end. This is the longest healthy fulfilling relationship I have had ever. Sans none. Only one other relationship has been nearly as long term but it wasn't healthy nor was it fulfilling. It was an abusive clusterfuck of a relationship that we're both still trying to heal from (we're both poly in case you didn't read my profile.)

We've been together for more than two years, moved in together, bought a car together, it's crazy. I never thought I'd be able to look at someone and think, with this person, forever doesn't seem so scary anymore.

It really was one of those love at first sight situations. We met at a Blind Guardian concert of all places (we had planned to go together as friends as we had only been good friends online). When we met the electricity just sparked between us. We were both showing that sort of "oh wow I like you so much it's scary" nervous deer in the headlights look for the beginning.

We both stumbled over words and generally made fools of ourselves to each other. But did that impact anything badly? Nope. Both of us fell utterly head over heels for each other. Hehe, Lee even mentioned once about how hard it had been not to jump on me at that moment because I looked so unbelievably sexy when I was headbanging to the metal that BG was playing. And it wasn't just attraction either. We clicked so totally and completely. We talked for hours and hours in the shitty hotel we had together. We also had sex that night, completely unexpectedly.

It just sort of happened. And it was amazing. I guess right there was the first time I had ever had anyone make love to me before and had ever done the same for anyone else. The ride home I was all bubbly and floaty and Lee was all grins. We started officially dating shortly after and went for a short period of time before we both met the other individual who I won't disclose the name of.

The abuse that ex put us through, the damage that ex did, it almost broke us apart. That ex took advantage of Lee's paranoia on a regular basis, trying to turn us against each other. Even tried to create drama in Lee's family and shatter those bonds. That ex drugged me regularly using painkillers and even struck me a few times. Other stuff happened that I won't go into here, but needless to say when we both finally escaped that abusive situation the pressure and stress took its toll.

Things were iffy for a short while afterwards. Lee was staying with some mutual friends instead of heading home (due to the fired up paranoia) and even with my visiting we still were having issues and arguments and bad cycles. But as we healed up a bit and Lee got back to the family and I severed every tie with our ex I could, things improved. We got better and the arguments and issues faded. We learned through that adversity that talking about issues and problems right away and working to solve things instead of expecting everything to work perfectly was the best way to go. And neither of us adopted a stance of broken china with each other. Instead of treating each other like we were fragile, we both learned the best way to be respectful and mindful, while still having a dynamic growing relationship.

Our love blossomed even more now that the terrible storm was past and I know I marveled at just how good we both were for each other (Lee prolly has marveled at it too). I know most of our friends have certainly commented on how much we make each other's lives better. We moved in together after careful thinking, planning and working (no rushing) and now we have a car together.

I can't imagine what's next after I get out of school and we move again but whatever it is, I'm looking forward to it. And enjoying myself immensely now. This is love, people. This is what love brings and does. It's work and sometimes hard work but the way you feel with that special person (or special people for my lovely poly brothers and sisters and me and Lee if we find another partner we care for) makes it all beyond worth it. That's love, for me.

I'm in love.

And forever doesn't seem so scary anymore. I know just who I want to spend it with.


dieselsandwich: A picture of me with purple hair (Default)
Sophia Lafergola

October 2010

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